MY CONVERSATION WITH A (clueless) "CHRISTIAN"

So I'm on the Jaz McKay radio show the other day (Thursday). I'm talking to a caller who wants to explain to me and the guest host - former Kern County DA Ed Jagels - why she thinks Mexican immigrants have trouble assimilating in the United States. The conversation turned really fun when she explained that her expertise on assimilation and Mexicans came from her one Christian missionary experience driving through Tijuana.

I wanted to hear what she had to say so I didn't interrupt and say anything about Tijuana not being the best source for understanding Mexico, it's culture, or assimilation. So I listened. I'm paraphrasing, but here's how the conversation went ...

Caller: As we drove through Tijuana to drop off building materials I noticed how no one paid attention to the laws, no one followed the rules, and that no one cared about keeping things clean ... blah, blah, blah

ME: So what you're saying is that Mexicans are barbarians ...

Caller: I'm just saying that one of the reasons Mexicans don't assimilate is that they don't understand how to respect laws because they don't respect anything in Mexico ...

Me: So, I'm just Conan the Barbarian? All Mexicans are just barbarians ...

Caller: I'm just saying that from what I saw in Tijuana there was no respect for the rule of law ...

At this time guest host Ed Jagels recognized the hole the caller was putting herself into, and he tried to interject. But I was a little miffed, and wanted to have some fun. So, calling on my inner barbarian, I pushed on and pressed the obvious point ...

ME: What you're trying to say is that Mexicans don't assimilate because they're barbarians by nature. And you gathered all of this cultural information from your one trip to Tijuana ...

CALLER: I'm just saying that part of the reason they don't assimilate here ...

ME: The next thing you're going to tell me is that they don't use forks down there ...

CALLER: Well, ummm ....

ME: And you call yourself a Christian?

ED JAGELS (recognizing the evolving train wreck): I think we need to go to break about now ....

ME: Hey, Ed ... I have a question ...

ED JAGELS: Yeah ...

ME: Do you think you can teach me how to use a fork during the break? Ha, ha, ha, ha ....

ED JAGELS (doing his level best to ignore me): We'll be back after these messages ...

Seriously. One trip to Tijuana and the caller was a cultural and ethnic expert on Mexicans. In her view she now understood what motivates Mexicans both in Mexico, and in the United States.

Hey, I have an idea. With her insights into the human condition, why don't we put her in charge of an anthropological team in the Middle East? She's obviously got a gift for understanding people from around the world. And best of all, as a Christian she can spread the Word of God, in a non-threatening, completely bias-free, manner. Bring your Bibles, here we come ... Hallelujah!

And people wonder why more and more people around the world hate us ... Sigh!

- Mark