FROM BILL IN PORTLAND MAINE

I just read this piece addressed to free market "Muckety Mucks" from Bill in Portland Maine, a Featured Writer from Dailykos. I've always liked Bill's work, and the humor he brings to what he writes. I've posted his piece below for those of you who don't like clicking on links.

In the FYI Department, Bill wrote a very nice endorsement for my book, The Myth of the Free Market, part of which made its way to the back jacket cover.

- Mark

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Dear Conservative Free-Market Capitalism Muckety Mucks,

Why haven’t you fixed the economy yet? Seriously---what gives?

I'm asking because conservatives in fancy suits keep telling me---okay, screaming at me---about how fundamentally sound their ideas are, and how the private sector, not the government, is our best and greatest hope for making the economy leap back to life like Mark Sanford's libido when he lands at Ezeiza International Airport.

So what's the holdup? We've been in a recession since December of 2007. Why aren’t things all better yet for ordinary Americans? You were so awesome at making the mess, but cleaning up the pile of poopies you left on the nation's living room rug seems to be proving a bit more, um, problematic. Why?

You've got an army of giant, throbbing brains in your right-wing think tanks working day and night. The Heritage Foundation has never been wrong...just ask 'em! And the U.S. Chamber of Commerce never misses an opportunity to proclaim their infallibility in multimillion-dollar ad campaigns. So...why are we still in Sucksville? And why does the evil Big Government seem to be running circles around you?

And don’t try and hide behind the fact that there's a Democrat in the White House. He's been shoveling money into your coffers faster than Sarah Palin shoveling bullshit through Twitter. And he's hardly put a regulatory straightjacket on you...more like a snug cardigan sweater.

I admit I'm not an economist. I don’t know a Laffer curve from a box of David Vitter sex diapers. No, I'm just a simple, average citizen who has listened to you jawbone for decades---amplified non-stop by Fox News, CNBC, the Wall Street Journal and right-wing radio---about how perfect your system of "unfettered everything" is. How greed is good and regulation is the devil's work. And yet, you seem to be strangely ineffective at fixing it when it breaks. Could it be you've been bullshitting us all along? Are you nothing more than the financial equivilent of a bunch of two-year-olds randomly pushing buttons in the command center at NORAD? Or did you just lose your instruction manual? (Check under the couch!)

Fix the damn economy on Main Street already, you Ayn Rand-worshipping free-market capitalist wizards. Show us how it's done. Be the heroes we've been holding out for. I'll check back on your progress in 30 days. I expect Americans to be squatting over solid gold commodes by then. That's how much I believe in you.

Sincerely,

Billy

P.S. Make sure you do it honestly, ethically and legally. That won't be a problem, will it?